i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
