He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
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My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
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We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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