im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
