Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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