Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
