Me too!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
