I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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