You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
