You can't motorboat a personality
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
