i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
