i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
