you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
