Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
