apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
