Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I need to stop coming to work sober
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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