You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
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second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I forget how to act sober
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