I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
