whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
