I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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