He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
