i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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