At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
