he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
