He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
