There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
