Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
