Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
