dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
