im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
