people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
