theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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