my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
