Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I am available for nakedness
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