Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
