Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
