Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
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just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
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She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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