There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
