i need an iv and a liver transplant
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
