I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize