Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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