FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
