I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
