my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just blew my weed a kiss
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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