What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
