He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
