I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
