I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
