forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
