I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
