Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."