I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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