know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
