we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
