In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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