Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Randomize
