How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
