You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
