just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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