How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
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btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
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I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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