I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
